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Quit It/Script
gigantic sale is going on inside the Khaki Barn. Kristen: around "Have a Khaki Day! Have a Khaki Day! Khaki Day!" Kirsten: a customer "Here's your flocked hoodie! Capris? Petite line?" Kristen: some clothes down "Ooh, my arms are burning!" Kirsten: "Stop, drop and roll!" throw themselves to the ground and start rolling. Chrissy: working the register "Nikki? Oh, where is she?!?" is napping in a changing room. Suddenly, Chrissy kicks the door open. Nikki: up "Huh? Break time already?" Chrissy: "Have you forgotten that today is our biggest sale of the year?" Nikki: "Of course not. Why do you think I'm hiding back here?" begins to growl. She has a look of frighteningly excessive anger in her eyes. Nikki: "Uh, Chrissy? You okay?" ---- has been given a sandwich board and forced to stand outside the Khaki Barn. Nikki: "Stupid–wooden torture device." shoots her. "Hey! Stop it!" topples to the ground. "Ugh, kill me now." ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''Quit it!' ---- ''and Jen are walking through the mall. Caitlin: "I can't wait to get to the Khaki Barn! Sale prices plus Nikki's discount equals major shoppage." Jen: her cell phone "Aww! Travis just sent me another picture. It sucks that he's away training, but the long distance thing is kinda romantic." come across a still downed Nikki. "Nikki!" and Caitlin help Nikki up. Jen: "What happened?" Nikki: angry "Chrissy happened!" guys walk up. Jude is laughing. Jude: "Dude. You're a giant sandwich." Nikki: "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." Chrissy: out of nowhere with Kristen and Kirsten "Well? Have you learned your lesson?" Nikki: "You know what?" the board "I have. Take your sandwich board and eat it!" Clones gasp as Nikki flings the board to the ground. Nikki: "I quit!" gasps. Jude: "Whoa." ---- of the gang walk past the fountain. Jen: "I can't believe you quit your job." Nikki: "I know! I'm free!" sit down on a bench. "No more Chrissy, no more Clones, no more EEEE!" covers their ears at Nikki's shrill screech. Caitlin: "How will I ever shop there again without your discount?" Nikki: "I'm sure you'll manage somehow." Jen: "How will you manage without a job?" Nikki: "Oh yeah. That." Wyatt: "Burger McFlipster's is hiring." Nikki: "Thanks, but there's no way I'm working with Wayne. Bleuggh." Jen: "I don't think there are job openings anywhere in the mall." Caitlin: "Ooh! One of those cooking stores is opening on the third level." Jen: "They're opening a Counter Measures? You have to apply there!" Nikki: "Mmm, I dunno. Me and cooking don't exactly go hand in hand." Jude: up "Dudes! You gotta come quick! Rock Maniac is in!" Jonesy: "Awesome!" Jen: "What's Rock Maniac?" Jonesy: "Only the best game ever invented!" Wyatt: "You mean that musical abomination where gamers delude themselves into thinking they can really play music?" Jude: "That's the one, bro!" Nikki: "Well, have fun gaming. I'm gonna go humiliate myself at a cooking store." Jen: "I'll come along for moral support." Jude: guitaring "Weow weow we weow!" Wyatt: "I'm gonna get a coffee. Maybe I'll catch up with you later." Jude: "Someone's gotta rock with me, dudes! You can't play it alone." Jonesy: "Just try to keep me away!" Caitlin: "Don't you have a new job to go to?" Jonesy: "Nope, already fired." ---- and Nikki walk through the new cooking store. Jen: "Mmm, it smells so good in here! Ooh, baking tutorials!" gasps. "I should bake a care package for Travis! Our two-week anniversary is coming up." woman strides by. Nikki: sighing "Here goes nothing." the woman "Excuse me? Are you still hiring?" Morty: "We have several openings in the baking department. But are you sure you're qualified?" Nikki: happily "Not a b–" elbows her. "Ow!" Jen: "Nikki is an amazing baker. She'll be a model employee. I personally guarantee it." Morty: "Well, we are woefully understaffed." out a book "Here's our handbook. All employees start on probation." Nikki: "Okay, this is crazy, I can't–" Jen: the handbook "We offer staff a stock lounge, private restrooms, and a starting pay of double minimum wage." surprised "What?" Nikki: "Let's get baking!" ---- and a girl are waiting for coffee at Grind Me. Barista: "Who ordered the Colossal Organic Smotchulan Roast black?" Wyatt and Lacey: "Me!" surprised "Oh!" Lacey: "I thought I was the only one around here who liked my beans organic." Wyatt: "If it isn't pure, I go without." Lacey: "Exactly! I'm Lacey. And you're cute." Wyatt: "People also call me Wyatt." Lacey: her watch "Oh no! I gotta go. Job interview." Wyatt: "Oh. Yeah, me too. I have to go mock my friends while they play rock star with little plastic controllers." Lacey: "You mean that video game? Uch. That thing's a crime against music." Wyatt: "That's what I said!" hands Lacey her coffee, and she giggles. Lacey: over a piece of paper "Here's my number. Don't lose it!" winks at Wyatt and walks out of the store. Wyatt: "Thank you, caffeine addiction!" takes a long drag from his cup. ---- Caitlin, and Jude are in the empty store. Jude has set up a stage on one end. Caitlin: "Jude, it's a ghost town in here!" Jude: "I know, bra. No people, no stress. Just uninterrupted gaming action." Jonesy: "C'mon, c'mon, less chat and more rockin'." Jude: "'Kay, who wants to play what?" Jonesy: "Lead singer! Called it, I was born to be a frontman, check it!" pretends to be fronting a band. "Wyatt, just in time!" walks in. Wyatt: "What can I say? Today I am on my game." Caitlin: "Why do you have that goofy smile on your face?" it out "You met someone!" Wyatt: "Her name's Lacey. We both like organic beans." Jonesy: "Wow, lame!" Wyatt: "And she also thinks this video game's a pathetic waste of time." Caitlin: "That's great, Wyatt! The best couples always have lots in common." Jude: "I know it goes against your penal code, or whatever, but do you want to rock the guitar anyway, dude?" Wyatt: "Why not? Nothing can bug me right now. But, obviously I'm gonna have an unfair advantage." Jonesy: "Caitlin, grab the sticks!" Caitlin: "No way! Drums cause bulging veins and unsightly pit stains." Wyatt: "Real drums, maybe. You'll never break a sweat doing this." Caitlin: behind the drum set "I guess I could try. Ooh! I can watch myself in the gold mirrors!" Wyatt: "Uh, those are cymbals." Caitlin: "What''ever.'' I look good!" Jude: "Cool. And I'm on bass. The thinking man's guitar." Wyatt: "Not even gonna touch that one." Caitlin: "So, how do we play?" Jonesy: "Just watch the screen, and when the lights come up, hit the matching button on your controller." Wyatt: "Wooowww, just like in a real band." band starts playing. Caitlin's drumming is a little shaky. Caitlin: giggling "I'm doing it!" Jude: jamming "Righteous!" Jonesy: "Whoa, Jude, nice! Wyatt, you're up!" starts playing the guitar and fails miserably. Wyatt: "What th–it's not working." band fails on the strength of Wyatt's lousy guitar work. Caitlin: "Aww!" Jude: snickering "You've gotta stop trying to play it like it's a guitar, dude." Wyatt: "But it is!" Jude: "Nah, bro. It's a controller." Caitlin: "Can I try the guitar this time? It'll really bring out the green in my eyes." Wyatt: "I'm telling you, it's broken!" Jude: "Let me set it to autodrum." fiddles with the settings. "Okay, once more from the top!" band starts playing. Everything goes perfectly. Wyatt: "What? Oh, come on!" Caitlin: "Eee! I'm a rock star!" growls. ---- is at a cooking station. Nikki: "Okay. Baking. How hard can it be?" opens a bag of flour, and dust poofs into her face. She coughs. "Ooh." her boss, she waves. ---- gamers have come in to watch the show. Darth: "I say, what have we here? A rock and oh roll emulator of some kind?" Wyatt: "No. Just a way for deluded wannabes to pretend they have talent." Jonesy: "Get ready to bask in my mighty glow!" Wyatt: "Like I was saying." Jonesy: a very high-pitched voice "Rock and roll, it's in my soul!" normally "What's up with this thing?" Wyatt: laughing "Oh yeah, that's cool." Jonesy: helium-voiced "Hear my name and light my flame!" normally "Okay, seriously?" Darth: the mike and singing in a deep voice, like a gravel-voiced Jim Morrison "Baby I'm driving you insane/Got my number in your brain." Jonesy: "What? No fair! How come he sounds heavy?" Wyatt: "Says here the mike is designed to enhance your natural singing ability. Guess you don't have any." Darth: "I must buy this game so I can serenade my spicy little taco girl all night long!" Jude: "Sorry, Jedi dude, it's not for sale." Wyatt: "He doesn't mean your copy, dude." Jude: "'Kay, but it's the only one I have." Jonesy: "You only ordered one copy of the hottest game of the year?" Jude: "You only need one copy to play it." Caitlin: "But what about selling it to your customers?" Jude: "Never had any before, bra." Pre-Teen Boy: "You've gotta be kidding me!" Jude: "Whoa whoa whoa, easy does it, gamey dudes!" Lacey: in "Hi Wyatt." is dressed exactly like Wyatt. Wyatt: "Hi Lacey." confused "Nice...outfit." Lacey: "You too. So, I got the job." Wyatt: "Wow, congrats! Uh, these are my friends. Guys, this is Lacey." Caitlin: paying attention "Uh huh. Ooh, high score, eee!" Jonesy: helium-voiced "Rock and roll–" normally "–come on!" Wyatt: "They're usually more receptive." Lacey: "I have to go anyway. My first shift's about to start. Later." kisses him and leaves. Wyatt: "Hey, Caitlin? Is it possible for a couple to have too much in common?" Caitlin: "Huh? Oh, no. Common interests are crucial. The more the merrier." Wyatt: "If you say so." ---- is trying to fit a customer with skis when her phone rings. Jen: "Hang on." leaves the customer in an uncomfortable position and answers her phone. "Calling to gloat about your awesome new job?" Nikki: "Calling to panic, thanks! 'Cause I'm gonna get fired!" Jen: "C'mon, baking isn't that hard. You're using a mix, right?" Nikki: "Well, what's left of it." Jen: "So, what do the directions say." Nikki: "There are–directions?" Jen: "You really don't know how to bake." Nikki: "Ugh! Not the best time to say that!" Jen: "Sorry! Just stay calm and tell me what it says on the back of the bag." Nikki: "Okay. Add one cup water, blend until just moist, dollop into muffin pan." customer crashes into something. Penalty Box Customer: "Ow. Ow." Jen: "Gotta go. Just don't overwork the batter, you'll be fine!" hangs up. Coach Halder: "Masterson!" Nikki: "Wait! Ugh!" ---- walks into work to find Lacey behind the counter in a McFlipster's uniform. Lacey: "All juicy and red/Gonna flip this hamburger till one of us is dead/de-head/hoo-ooh/de-head/ooh-ooh." Wyatt: "Lacey? This is where you work now?" Lacey: "You too? Wow! I hope they don't have a policy against employees dating. Unless that's too weird for you." Wyatt: uncomfortable "No. That's not too weird." ---- Nikki: "Please don't suck, please don't suck." about to open the oven. Jen: "Hey, how's it going?" Nikki: "You tell me." pulls out a tin of misshapen muffins. Jen: "Jizzh!" Nikki: "They're supposed to be our signature pumpkin muffins." Jen: "Those are pumpkins?" Nikki: "I am so fired." Jen: "Maybe they taste better than they look. I'm going in." takes a bite of one. "Mmm! These aren't half bad." Morty: groaning "Ohh..." Nikki: "You okay, Morty?" Morty: "Constipated." Jen and Nikki: "Euch!" Morty: "Whenever I open a new branch, our laxative tea barely cuts through. Aah!" sees Nikki's muffins. "I thought you said you could bake! The clock is ticking, Nicole!" Nikki: "Ugh!" ---- and Nikki are waiting on a new batch of muffins. Jen's phone rings. Jen: "Aw! It's from Travis! I can't wait to send him a special pumpkin delivery. Ooh, they're ready." reaches into the oven and pulls out a batch of perfectly-shaped muffins. Nikki: "Wow. Hello, perfection! How did you do that?" Jen: "Better taste one just to be sure." and Nikki both take bites of a muffin and almost instantly spit them out. Jen: "Ew! But I followed the recipe exactly!" oven beeps. Nikki: "Well, let's see if I did any better." pulls out a batch of misshapen muffins. "Even worse than last time!" Jen: one "At least yours taste good! Did you add something to boost the flavor?" Nikki: "You can add stuff?" tosses her muffins in the trash. Kristen and Kirsten walk in. "Hey! This is a Clone-free zone!" Kristen: "You work here now? Lucky! Chrissy's so mean to us now that you're gone." Kirsten: "Yeah, it's so unfair! She's treating us like we're you!" Nikki: sarcastic "Wow, brutal." Kirsten: "I know! This morning she yelled so hard, she got a migraine and went home early." Nikki: "So–who's watching the store now?" and Kirsten look at each other. Kristen and Kirsten: "Bye!!!" run out of Counter Measures. Nikki sighs. Nikki: "I've gotta get the hang of it here. I never want to go back to that." ---- is walking through the mall when he suddenly stops and gasps. Wyatt: "Lacey?!?" now has a guitar exactly like his and the exact same hairstyle. Lacey: "Wyatt. Where ya headed?" Wyatt: "Uh, just need to talk to the guys about...uh...something..." Lacey: "Something like real music? Great! I'll come too." Wyatt: worried "O-k-k-kay." ---- gaming is still going strong inside the game store. Jude is working the register. Jude: "Sorry bro, like I said about a hundred times already, we don't have anymore copies of Rock Maniac." Wyatt: to Caitlin and Jonesy "Hey guys. You remember Lacey." Caitlin: no attention "Careful with my guitar!" Wyatt: "Your guitar?" Caitlin: "I call it Tinkerbell. Hey! Not so rough, bub!" game dings. Jonesy: "No! There goes my high score. This blows. Everyone's a musician now." Wyatt: "No, they're not! This is what a real musician sounds like." starts playing but soon stops as Lacey continues on her guitar. Caitlin: the game "Hey, keep the racket down, I'm playing music over here!" Wyatt: "Ugh!" Lacey: "I have to go anyway." kisses him. "See you at work!" leaves. Wyatt: uncomfortable "Yeah." worried "Can't wait." Jonesy "Okay, seriously, man! I need you to focus for a second! I'm having a major crisis here with Lacey!" Jonesy: "Don't be so neurotic, she likes you!" Wyatt: "Yeah, too much! Did you see her?" Jonesy: "Sure, she's got a head, some arms, maybe?" those onstage "C'mon, hurry up, I got some frontin' to do!" grabs Jonesy and slaps him. Wyatt: "Snap out of it!" Jonesy: "Ow! Whoa. You're right. I almost missed the coin-inducing opportunity right in front of me!" Wyatt: "What? No, I'm talking about Lacey!" Jonesy: "If people want to play so much, maybe they should pay so much." Wyatt: "I think that's called extortion." Jonesy: "Not if it's an entrance fee to a tournament! Who wants in on a Battle of the Rock Maniac Bands?" room cheers. Wyatt: "Who wants to learn to play real guitar!" room falls silent. Wyatt: "It's way cooler?" Julie: offscreen "Loser!" ---- but Jen is at the table. Wyatt is playing the guitar with his head down and Jonesy is wearing a scarf. Nikki: "What's with the scarf?" Jonesy: raspy "Frontman tricks of the trade. Saving my voice and keeping the ol' pipes warm for tonight." Wyatt: up "So you can sound like a little girl?" Jonesy: "No, I've been practicing. Now I sound like a young woman." Nikki: "Hey Wyatt." something "Uh, Wyatt?" lifts her head. Nikki gasps. Caitlin: "Huh?" Jonesy: "No way!" Jude: "Whoa." Wyatt: shocked "Lacey?!?" Lacey: "Hey. I've got a new song about that video game." singing "Plastic controls/Illusions of sound/You're killing real music/With every round." Wyatt: "That's my new song! Only better!" Lacey: "I know!" giggles and kisses him. "Later!" leaves. Jonesy: "Okay, she's cuckoo." Wyatt: "Now you notice?" Caitlin: "I take it all back. Definitely too much in common." Jude: "Seriously bro, that is creepy." Jonesy: "At least she'll be easy to cut loose. Just dump her the way you'd like to be dumped." Wyatt: "Well, it won't be by text. Or by Jonesy." Caitlin: "Hey, where's Jen?" Nikki: "At Counter Measures again. She's obsessed with baking pumpkins for Travis. I should go before she drowns herself in a bowl of batter." Caitlin: the Big Squeeze "I'll come along for moral support." Nikki: "That's what Jen said!" paranoid "Then the sickness began." ---- is furiously mixing batter in a bowl. She turns towards the oven. Nikki: her "Jen, step away from the oven." Jen: "But I still need to send Travis a handmade gift for our anniversary!" Nikki: "You've only been together for two weeks!" Jen: "Caitlin, back me up." Caitlin: "Handmade gifts are the traditional two-week gesture." Jen: "See?!?" Caitlin: up one of Jen's finished batches "Why not send him these? How bad can they be?" takes a bite of a muffin and spits it out almost instantly. She retches. Nikki: "These stupid pumpkins are impossible." Morty: up "Aah! My bowels are like concrete!" sets down a bag of laxatives. "Nicole. Probation's over. Time for the big test. Make me a quadruple batch of pumpkins. It's a shame we don't have more customers to taste your pumpkins and rate them on these comment cards." Caitlin: "Ooh! You could bring some to the game store! There's a huge crowd down there!" takes the comment cards and gets ready to bake. Caitlin: "C'mon, Jen, let's go! The band could use a drummer." Nikki: "Yeah, I'll see you guys soon." Jen: "Good luck!" picks up the mix and tosses it away, accidentally choosing the laxatives instead. ---- walks into the game shop with a bowl full of perfectly-shaped muffins. Nikki: "Free pumpkins from Counter Measures, enough for everyone! Don't forget to fill out the comment cards!" muffins start disappearing. All of Nikki's friends except for the missing Wyatt take one. Jen: "Mmm. You did it!" Nikki: "That's right. I conquered the pumpkin. Yes!" Jen: "What did you do differently?" Nikki: "No clue. But they look and taste right, so I'm not complaining." Jonesy: "Baby, you can bake for me anytime!" ---- and Lacey are inside Cafe Coeur Brisé. Lacey seems to be mirroring Wyatt's every move. Wyatt: "Okay." Lacey: the same time "Oh, Wyatt." Wyatt and Lacey: "We need to talk. Uh...you first." Lacey: "I love you." Wyatt: the same time "It's over." Wyatt and Lacey: "What?" Lacey: "You're breaking up with me?" Wyatt: "Sorry, I just can't take it anymore." Wyatt and Lacey: "I"m leaving. No, I'm leaving! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" run away from each other. ---- Jonesy: "Rockers and Rockettes, welcome to the Gameatorium Battle of the Bands!" crowd cheers. "For those about to rock, and have paid the entry fee, we salute you!" crowd cheers. Jude: "Wicked awesome, dude!" and Darth are the first up. Darth: hard rock "Dirty hands on my windowpane/Smelly sock and my feet to blame/Lovin' you was the death of me/Lovin' rock will set my people free, yeah!" up are the Clones. The Clones: pop "Don't be such a shy boy/I could make you my toy/You're gonna make me cry boy/If you don't say yes!" crowd boos them. Next up is Ron the Rent-a-Cop. Ron: rockabilly with Halder and Pokey "Since my baby took off, I got a new place to hang/It's in the mall and down the hall, its door goes clank/I'm in the jail cell baby/I'm in the jail cell!/Back so achy/I could crrrryyyyy, yeah–c'mon, Coach! Let's teach these maggots how to play!" crowd cheers, but Jude and his friends look disgusted. Wyatt steps in. Wyatt: Jude "Hey. Any sign of Lacey?" Jude: "No." Wyatt: "Phew." Nikki: "On the downside, you just missed my first batch of perfect pumpkins." Wyatt: "Oh yeah? Congrats." current song ends. Jonesy: "Okay guys, we're up!" Jonesy, Caitlin, and Jen take the stage. Jude: "Take it, Jen!" gets behind the drum kit and plays rather poorly. Nikki: "Just imagine they're pumpkins!" angrily starts bashing the kit and gets into the groove. Jude: "That's it bra, you got it now!" bass and guitar kick in. Jonesy: the game dings "New high score? Way to go, Jen!" stomach gurgles. Caitlin: "I don't feel so good." the room, everyone else's stomach is gurgling. Jonesy: worried "Keep going, here comes my part!" well "Rock an–" farts. "It's in my–" farts again. Jude farts as well. Both he and Caitlin stop playing. "And lick my–" Fart. "I gotta hit the can, right now!" of the band except Jen vacate the stage. Caitlin: "Ooh!" Jude: "Jonesy!" not just the band feeling gastric pain, however. The same thing happens around the room. Wyatt: fine as everyone vacates "What was in those muffins?" Nikki: what must have happened "Oh no!" leaves the store. Jen: "Don't stop now, guys!" intestinal pressure hits her. "Oh! Gross!" runs out of the store. ---- runs up to her boss, who is still at work. Nikki: "Morty! I don't know what happened!" Morty: "Well I do. You put my laxative tea in your pumpkins! You're fired!" Nikki: "Ah...oh..." farts. "Uh oh. A-any chance I could use the private washroom one last time?" laxatives start to hit Morty, and without saying anything, both head to the staff restrooms. ---- gang are gathered around the table. Jen: "I still can't believe you put laxative tea in the pumpkins." Nikki: "Best job, ever. I totally blew it." Jen: "Actually, we totally blew it." Jude: "But, no one's coming anywhere near my store now. Thanks, bra." Jonesy: annoyed "Yeah. Thanks for making me reimburse all those entry fees. Not cool." Caitlin: "So what did you end up making Travis for your anniversary?" Jen: "A laminated schedule of romantic things we can do by phone, email, or text. He's gonna love it!" Wyatt: Nikki "If you're looking for a job, Lacey left Burger McFlipster's." Nikki: "I think it's best I stay away from food service for a while." annoyed "Which leaves me just one horrible, mind-numbing option." ---- and Kirsten are folding clothes while Chrissy stands over them. Nikki: "Chrissy? Don't suppose you're looking for a new employee." Chrissy: "Oh, so now you think you're good enough to be a Khaki staffer. Well, the staff bathroom is off-limits to newbies, and I'm only letting you back so I can yell at you all day long! Now fold those crop-ruffled cardigans! And if I find a single wrinkle, I'll make you do the whole shelf again!" and Kirsten giggle with joy and hug each other. Nikki: "Ugh, kill me now." Category:Season 4